" PREMA "

On mother’s day special and in the honour of my beloved aunty Pupathy Gurusamy “1.September.1951 – 24.September.2006”, I would like to broach somewords about her today.

“PREMA” it’s the way I call her but the actual pronunciation is “PERIYAMMA” means big mother. Since I had some tough time in pronouncing, I ended up calling her “PREMA”. She was born in a family with 4 siblings, she being eldest and my mom being youngest they shared a special bond. My mom always tells me that my aunty is more like a mother than sister to her. Not to mention, the age between them is 8 years. Come to think about it now, after all 8 years is not a big age gap. Well try to turn back the time to the 50’s and 60’s, 8 year is tongued-tied. My mom was barely 10 years old when my aunt got married.:).

A year later , aunt gave birth to her 1st baby “ Sumathi”, 2 years later to twin baby girls “ Indrani and Jayarani ” and her only son “Asai” the following year. Surviving as a young mother of 4 kids was very challenging and hard-hitting those time. The one thing that always made me proud of her is that she worked diligently as a rubber tapper in the morning and factory worker later on. She did this to provide her kids a good education and bringing up her life to better stage. Gladly now, I would tell that she survived the up’s and down’s of life and her spirit is unbreakable.

Life goes on smooth and steady for years with happiness and success. As times flies, she is getting grey-haired and ended up suffering Diabetic. In the year 2002, she lost her eldest daughter and followed by her only son 3 months later. It’s been unendurable for her losing two of her most precious kids in a very short duration. As she was trying her best to live her life from the pain she lost her husband of 35 years less than a year from her son’s death.

The day is still fresh in my mind seeing her crying and telling us how much my uncle meant in her life and how much she loved him and of course so on telling us that and this while looking at the coffin. I was standing beside her with tears running down my cheek without a single word out. Unexpectedly my aunt turn to me and said “ Baby, ask your uncle to come back? Why he left me? What am I going to do without him? I was just too dumbstruck that I couldn’t say a word at all. Losing my big uncle means we have lost the head of the family. It was too unbearable. At the one moment I knew my aunt’s world have turn upside down. Losing loved ones, its speechless.

After the death of my uncle, my aunt always travel from seremban to kl to stay with us. We already convince her to stay in kl with us but she still insist to have the house in seremban. She spends 3weeks in kl and 1 week in seremban. I understand the house is the only memory of my uncle and my cousins so we decided to give her sometime to settle. Having her most of the time is the one of our happiest moment. All the jokes and the political things that she used to say still lingering in my mind. As the youngest granddaughter in my mom’s side I am always being pampered the most by her .My aunt knows all my favourites and my dislikes too. She is of course my big mother. If mom scolds me or say anything my aunt is always by my side supporting me like an angel.hehe.That make me being slightly naughty.:).

There was this one time where she has to go to seremban for her check-up which was 2 days before my 18th birthday. I was kind of sad because she was here for all my family member’s birthday and when it comes to mine she wasn’t here. Surprisingly on the 8th June she called me sharp 12 o’clock to wish me birthday. I was shocked and I asked prema you haven’t sleep yet is it? look at the time now. Its really late because for a diabetic patient when they are up late they tend to be hungry especially my aunt who takes her medicine late. She replied baby, I slept off already but I put the alarm on 11.55pm so that I can wish you birthday. I laughed I say aiyo prema why were you troubling yourself ,you could just call me tomorrow. She said NO, I want to be the 1st person to wish you. I replied her thank you so much for calling me and laughed while telling her that she is not the 1st person to call. She also laughed and then said well better luck next time for me and she said next birthday I will call you earlier than this and we hanged up the phone after saying good night. The truth until today I didn’t tell her that she was the 1st person to wish and tears were running down my cheek when I hanged up the phone that night.

The next years mother’s day we paid her a surprise visit with strawberry ice-cream cake and her mother’s day gift, a leather handbag. She was so happy and excited to see us there. I was only relieved after seeing her because she wasn’t answering the phone calls the whole day because she was upset her twin daughters didn’t pay her a visit. Well which mother won’t be angry right.:)

Days went to months and to years. During one of the holiday, we went to India together and of course that was the last holiday we went together. We lost her on the 24th Sep 2006. She died in her sleep.This is when my world went into dark. Losing her was too unbelievable. SPEECHLESS !! I couldn’t utter a word on her funeral day. I cried and cried for days and months. I lost my big mother. The woman that I adored the most and the regret that I carrying till today is I never once told her “ I LOVE U,PREMA”

Thinking of why I didn’t tell her that I loved her so much maybe because I suppose she would know I love her from what ever I do. From celebrating mother’s day, her birthday, following her to the market, fetching her and sending her to KTM, call her always and talk to her when she is not around in kl.Most of all, I spend a lot of time with her. Every single time I meet her I will hug and kiss her. No matter where we meet. WHERE EVER !!!.She should know I love her but why there is a feel of guilt deep down in my heart.

WHY? I know why just that I am avoiding the truth. Truth is sometimes very hard to believed or agreed. I regret every seconds of the 3 years that has past is that I didn’t tell her I LOVE HER SO MUCH ! I didn’t tell her that is a very special person in my life. Why was it so tough for me to say ‘ I LOVE YOU ’ to her when I can use them on my friends or my boyfriend. Why is it so tough to say the word “LOVE” on family members?

To my friends,who have just read this please do tell your mother, father, brothers, sisters, friends or your loved ones.Tell them YOU LOVE THEM .Don’t be a fool like me sitting down crying and regretting.There is no point for me to do that now because eventhough I cried blood my aunt won’t come back. Appreaciate them and love them.

PS: Please do not think what will happen if your loved ones are not here tomorrow but Please think this way, “What will happen if I am not around tomorrow?” Have u said enough to them?

“ TO MY PREMA I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FORGIVE ME FOR THE MISTAKES OR WORDS THAT I MIGHT HAVE USED BEFORE THAT HURTS YOU. I AM SO SORRY DIDN’T TELL YOU THIS WHEN YOU WERE STILL AROUND.HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY PREMA. REST IN PEACE”

~ Love BABY ~